The Old Carving Shack

My intent here is to try to show the Chesapeake waterman's dialect as I have experienced it and remember it.  Many waterman were bold characters, individuals who were not shy about giving their opinion with salty and often course words with much local slang.  These conversations are set somewhere around the bay in the 1930's or 40's.  I have invented 3 characters who populate the Carving shack, located on a backwater gut (slough) off a famous ducking river.  It's around Thanksgiving time, money is tight, the weather is cold and the yarns and stories are mostly the same as they always are at the Carving shack. 

Characters:

Jonnie Rats ( a trapper of Muskrats and sometimes a shooter of waterfowl, when sober)

Billy Smokes ( always a big cigar in his mouth, Bill's a waterman, who likes to take trips to Baltimore)

Jimmy Blue or Jimmey Blue Crab ( a crabber,  waterfowl carver and all around waterman)

                                                          Around The Old Wood Stove

"Whar the hell is that carv' in knife ?, can't a man keep anything around this place, in place, Jonnie."  shouted Jimmy Blue as he threw another sandy Pine log in the stove.

"Yeah, I ain't seen it since last week, maybe it took off outta here with them Canvasbacks, going south.  Crise sakes if I seen the dam thing. If you don't get that far heat' in up this place, I'm going South with the birds." said Jonnie Rats.

"Hey, Smokes, you seen it?", growled Jimmy Blue.

"Don't ask me, that som' bitch Jonnie, probably lost it when he was carry' in on here Saturday nite all smoked up drink' in that swill water."

"Jesus H. Christ." retorted Jonnie Rats, smokes was down in Bal' mer wit them Booze hound friends of his an all, down on the Block, of course, how did he know what I'm up to, God Dam it."

Smokes gets up and points a large knurled hand at Jonnie, shaking his finger close to Jonnie's face.  " I know it, coz, your in here every Saturday nite, coz you got some pay from that Muskrat fur buyer."

"No sir..ree..de..I was tired that day from chasing those Geese out at the Purdy Farm all dam day.  Sports paid me good for show' in them the right light' in places and I was bone tired that day."

"Yeah, Jonnie is like that, good ol' Jonnie, always blame' in someone for his own problems, prob-ba-le lost it himself or burned the handle for firewood, like he does them good decoys sometime for farwood, keep' in a blaze going to keep this God dam leeky shack warm," said Smokes.

"If Jonnie lost that knife, he would shut up as tight as a winter Aus' ter", said Jimmy.  "Speak' in of Aus'ters, when you gonna bring some down here, Smokes?"

"Aus' ter' in ain't too dam good lately, ones that left out in the deep water are hard to find, right now.  Old man Brody said I could use his drudge, but I don't know where he went since yesterday."

"Brody still use' in that ol beat to hell Skipjack?" said Jimmy, with a wry smile, knowing that something seemed wrong with Smokes story.

"Oh, yeah, that's right, Smokes retorted, He was head' in down Bal' mer way last nite, last I heard, I was suppost to, ah..."

"Go with him Smokes, you mean," said Jimmy Blue. "Stop your dam ly' in an tell me what real' ly's go' on."

"Crist sake, can't a man be trusted around these parts anymore.  I was going to go, but had a few with Lucky Louis down at Crab claw's." said Smokes.

"Yea, and I bet that aus' ter druge went with ol' man Brody to Bal' mer, when you could have made good use of it here, and that's the God dam real reason why you gave us that sad story that you did' nt know where Brody was coz you know, we know, that you always go to Bal' mer with him.  But, you probably got drunk with Lucky and missed the dam boat. ha, ha, ha... so either way, you would' nt, a not got any aus' ters any dam way, booze hound !"  Jimmy continued to laugh so hard he soon turned as red as the stove.

In these hard days, the depression years still held a chilling hold on the hearts and minds of Chesapeake folk.  Dollars were hard to come by and the things that made life worth living were reserved for mere short increments of time, some of the things were as simple as a seldom wrought laugh.  The cost of a few Shotgun shells were almost out of reach for many Eastern Shore hunters, unless of course you could make the shells pay for themselves.  This was only possible for many if they could sell the ducks.  Market hunting had long ago been outlawed, but with the dire circumstances of the present, some waterman still persisted in the outdated craft as long as there were buyers.

"Hey, I hear dem boys down around coffee gut been git' in some good money shoot' in ducks at night." said Jonnie Rats.

"Ay, I hear dem boys make' in a few bucks, wish em' well, I recon', that is, unless that warden comes down from up river".  Billy smokes said as he bit deeper into his cigar, with wheels turning in his head.

"Thats right, ol' spin top got a hol of George Lucas last year down Harper way I hear'ed.  I guess that big brim warden hat kep the dam sun off' en his eyes or som' thin as you know Lucas told somebody he thought he had the sun in the wardens face and eyes and could scadaddle off the water before the warden seen him."

"Ha- ha- ha-" Billy Smokes laughed loud and hard, "who said that?  I hear tol it was at night."

"At night, that's not what I understand", spoke up Jimmy blue, "Coz, I heard the warden was wise to that ploy and patrolled at night, so sly George went out at daybreak, just as the warden was com' in home."

"What you boys think would happen if we pulled a stunt like that, hunting at night.  said Jonnie Rats.  I guess Lucas got a five hundred dollar fine and a month in the hootsgal, so that day business must not work."

"No, why not hunt and shoot during the day?"  spoke up Billy Smokes.

"Dur' in the day, are you crazy, a fool would get caught for sure, no one would even think of that, except maybe a dummie like Lucas." said Rats.

"Yea, but I got an idea." said Smokes.

"Let er rip Smokes, your always good for a laugh at least".  retorted Rats.

"You know them dam clay bird things the sports practice with over at the duck club." said Smokes.

"Ay, what about them, mostly for Baltimorons who can't shoot, only shop." said Rats

"Well, what if we got a hold of one of those things and went out on the boat and shot at them silly targets.  But, what we do is run the boat up close to a narrow strip of land with bay water and high bush and on the other side have stools set out there.  If the warden comes along all he sees is a couple of local yokels shooting clay targets, but what he can't see is the decoy stool on the other side of the strip and the warden is no wiser."  This was probably the best idea Smokes had year to date, as this was November around Thanksgiving and he felt quite proud of himself.

"What we do is if' en we see ol' spin tops a com' in we start up with the clay bird shooting and if he ain't around we let the stools work, using the decoys to toll the birds in and make some dough.  Crise sake, I bet, he will never expect anything." expounded Smokes proudly.

"Where do we hide the birds, after we we shoot em?" said Jimmy blue.

"And what about the warden seeing us, of all people shooting clay birds, we never do that, sure sign some' thin is up".  said Jonnie Rats.

"Hide the birds... why?, we'll worry about that later, and so we took up a new sport." said Smokes

"Fer Chise sake, this is a wolly hair brained idea, seems like som' thin a nigger would think up." said Blue.

"Ha, nigger, you say, some niggers over in jig town are plenty smart." Jonnie rats said.

"Yea, I bet some of them are out gett' in birds, instead of sit' in here talk' in about it."  Billy Smokes said.

As the fire in the stove burned low and a chill begat the air, reality seemed to start to have it's way and the talk soon turned to the ways of an honorable waterman's everyday existence.  For Jimmy Blue Crab, this meant carving decoys.

"Awwwww..,. put some more God dam wood in that junk stove, will ya, pretty soon this shack will be as cold as a witches tit." spoke Billy Smokes.

"Whatsamatta, said Jonnie Rats, no Bal'mer run this week com' in up, Smokes?"

"Oh, go trap some Muskrats, will ya, they smell ya com' in an run off to Annapolis and join the Navy."

"Jimmy Blue, Jimmy Bluuuue, what ya gonna do, you better git to carv' in some decoys, Son."...said Smokes.

"Plenty of time for that in the morn 'in Friday, since we ain't a go' in on some Bullshit fantasy outlaw ducx shoot, I'm go' in home, Have a great Thanksgiving, ya all."

                                                                      The Christmas Duck

A winter day dawned on the river, back by the slough, near the marsh where Chesapeake tidewater mingled with freshwater slush ice.  Rose tinged sunrise mingled with purple cover clouds as Saturday rolled up it's sleeves and the day was getting underway at the old carving shack.  The day started late this time of year and the sky seemed to stay a lead color all day, with the promise of a white Christmas for all. 

Jimmy Blue had a decoy order to fill by Christmas.  Seemed a buyer wanted to give a complete rig of decoys to a friend.  Jimmy had got to the shack early to start the wood stove and just in time as the wind could be heard in the trees and the swish of snowflakes could almost be felt as it made a sound on the outside walls like a broom.  Jimmy was just about to get underway decoy carving as a heavy knock thumped upon door and then pushed the weathered old door open.

"Judas K. Priest, It's a blowing from the Nor' west like a banshee, this dam slough, she'll freeze up tonight, maybe even parts of the bay". said Billy Smokes.

"Let it snow, let snow, let snow... is what I always say !  I like a White Christmas and we haven't had one in years".  Jimmy Blue retorted.

"Awwww, I don't care about no God Dam snow, I'll tell ya, just more work, and if it gets deep all I'll have to do all day is shoot the breeze down here.  No visibility out on the water and everything gets covered in ice and slush.  How's them decoys go' in anyway ?  Heard anything from Rats?  Smokes said.

"Oh, the decoys are go' in alright.  Got twelve done and I'm going to rough out the bodies for the other twelve today.  If I don't get bothered with B.S. might get em' sanded.  Maybe paint them too.  Rats carved the heads yesterday and is suppost to come by today to sand and maybe paint them too."

Billy Smokes sat down close to the stove as it started to make the small room comfortable.  Outside the smoke left the stovepipe in an almost horizontal way, reminding one of some long forgotten sod hut out on the Great Plains you may have saw in an old painting once, when pioneer farmer families made a stand against Indians and harsh winters.

"Sure is a blow' in out there." said Smokes as he lit up one of his crumpled old stoggies, looking small in a weather beaten hand, made that way by pulling many a crab pot and hand-tonging oysters in weather almost as bad as the present.

"Yes sir, reedy, I'll say, I bet hardly anyone out on the water today, alright." said Jimmy Blue.

"Oh, sweet Mary, this stove heat sure do feel good, nothin' like wood heat to make the old bones feel proper, that's what I always say."  Spoke Smokes.

"Your always say' in som' thin, that's for dam sure, Smokes."

"herrr, ruump....say, when is Rats go' in to show up anyway?"

"Don't rightly know, day before Chris' mas, sure hope he has the time." said Jimmy Blue

Just then the door opened once again and in with a flurry of wind driven snow, and in stepped Jonnie Rats all wrapped up in a blanket.

"Hey, dear sirs, hav' in a merry Christmas yet, I am, it was fun ride' in my bike over here, kind of like it was on skids."

"Don't you ever knock, before you come in." said Jimmy Blue.

"No, not hardly, especially not when I come to just an ol' decoy shack, Oh... wait, I'll try it."

Jonnie goes back out the door, and a knock is heard, a loud three raps.

"Hello, anybody in there, It's Santi' claws."

Silence

"Hello, anybody in there, it's a DECOY BUYER." ha - ha - ha," laughed Rats.

Silence - then Jonnie Rats opens the door.

"Hey, it's cold out there, what is the sense of me knock' in, if' in you don't let me in."

"Coz, we knew you would open it, you always do." said Billy Smokes.

"Say, how about if it would have been that decoy buyer that was down here the other day, that fella that wants you to make a pattern duck for them foam decoys?" said Rats.

"That's because someone who gots money knocks different than them that don't." said Smokes.

"That right, that right, well, if that's true, well, I don't believe it, as all knocks are the same, that's all." retorted Rats.  "by the by, Jimmy, you got that pattern duck carved out yet?"

"Naw, not quite, Rats, don't know for sure if I got the time, as I have these other decoys to get out."

"Jesus Chirst, what do thay matter, a dozen decoys, you could make big money by hav' in that fella make foam decoys off your pattern, real money, everybody knows your the best carver on the bay.  Wood decoys are of the past, these foam decoys are made in a factory, all you have to do is sit back and collect your share of the profit."

"Ay, I know that's a poss' abil' ity.  The money would be fine, but I just don't know about it.  Seems something is wrong wit the picture."

"What's wrong with it, almost anybody would want good money and not have to work for it." spoke up Billy Smokes. What the hell, I'd take it, maybe move to Bal, mer and have an easy time of it too."

"Oh, yea, I reckon, if you have money Smokes, your knock would be different too, real heavy knock, no doubt." said Jonnie Rats. "Jimmy, what you say ?  What could be wrong with the picture, this fella pays you up front for mak' in the decoy pattern and plus you get a part of the profits, now that's a great deal, sure is.  I see that there pattern duck is almost finished, what you gonna do as that fella is gonna come right after Christmas, that's what he said."

"I guess it's kind of the spirit of the thing, my ducks are my creations, kind of.. made right here, where the real birds fly.  My Daddy made the dam things before me, and that stands for som' thin.  I know Daddy would' nt go for no decoy made in a factory, no how."

"That's all well and good,  but nobody cares about all that, everything is all just money today." said Billy Smokes as he took a big puff on his cigar and blew the smoke up to the top of the ceiling.  "It's just like some of these fool decoy collectors that come here, they got money and they knock different.  When they knock people hear them, and come a runn' in, fast as they can to open that door, coz they want money too.  That's all... that's the hell and the glory of it."

"I been think' in about such stuff, Smokes." said Jimmy Blue.  "But, one thing is if I let this pattern go for foam factory decoys, my work will seem cheap after that.  I would feel cheap too... and cheated !  I make these fake ducks in wood, but they have a kind of life. They are tied to the country, to the land, to the bay... to my heritage.

"Jesus H. Christ, put some more of that pine in the stove, will ya, Rats !  That wind is com' in thru that wall, and feels like a load of shot with your pants down.  Yea, I hear that, waht ya say, there Jimmy, but today you have to pay the piper, everyone does. We have a free life out here compared to those Balti - morons.  That's why all them folks believe in an after life, and go to church, coz they have no real life.  Out here we see life and death everyday almost.  If you are happy here, I guess, you will be happy, all your life, and don't need no after life.  The waters and the woods, that's my religion.  To me, all that church and pray' in and shout' in - that's what slaves believe in."

"Hey, maybe that's why you always take the Lords name in vain, Smokes.  I ain't no God dam slave and I go to church." spoke Jonnie Rats

"herrrr rummmp" Ay, Ay, but your' en a different kind of a fella Rats, that's as sure as the Mink hunts the Muskrat."

"Nobody's different around here, everyone is same as far as I can see, that's how the Lord planned it." spoke Rats.

"Ay, and Landlords make a lot of plans too." said Smokes.

Hours went by at the old shack and the boys talked a blue streak about the weather, the waterfowl, neighbors and other everyday events that made up a life immersed in the small pleasures of contented souls on the Chesapeake bay.  Jimmy Blue and Jonnie rats finished up the dozen Canvasback decoys now made ready for pick-up by the buyer, who came by around mid afternoon and left a bottle of Christmas cheer in appreciation for Jimmy getting the decoys finished for him. 

"Well, by crackers, I'm feel' in right swell, right about now.  I bet with this weather the Cans are down from up the bay.  If it clears I just might do a little shoot' in tomorrow.  said Billy Smokes.

"It's Christmas tomorrow, I ain't do 'in noth' in.  Matter of fact, I best be skeedat' til' in out of here, need to help with decorating the tree, I found a nice one way back on the hill at foggy swamp.  And you mister Jimmy, better think about that pattern decoy, you better have it ready for that fella right after Christmas, your life would be changed by that one.  Yes, sir ree, You could be drive' in your family in a big fine car up in Big B.  Merry Christmas to ya fellas, and I won't knock on the door as I leave Smokes." said Jonnie Rats as he went out the door.

Smokes and Jimmy Blue said their Merry Christmas to Rats and he was gone.  As Smokes got up to leave he noticed Jimmy was off in the corner rattling around with some paper and string.

"Merry Christmas, Jimmy, and say the same to the family.  How old is Jimmy Jr. now, about 15?  Well, got to go.... what's that your wrap' in, looks like a decoy."

"Yes, it's a present for Jimmy Jr., something to hand down to his son.  Some might call it a pattern duck, but from now on, I'm call ' in it a Christmas duck."

Mike Robinson (Chesapeake Old Decoys)